It’s mid January and only now have I got sense of the movement of time. How days vanish into years into the vestiges of collective memory. When you’ve wronged people, you’ll drown yourself in a stagnant, stinking pool of guilt and self-doubt. That’s where I was. Like driftwood albeit not really drifting but becoming flotsam amongst painful memories that just floats around me and won’t even budge an inch regardless of how hard I try to push them away.
The fact of the matter is, they won’t go away. They’ll haunt me and they’ll remind me of how I can be a complete and utter fool sometimes. Okay, most of the time. And I’m beginning to accept that and I’m prepared to let it help me become a better person, worthy of trust and love again.
It’s not only heartening but a downright miracle that I’m still surrounded by people I love and cherish. People who demonstrate their love through acceptance and forgiveness. Although I can only dream of redeeming myself in their eyes again, I’m lucky enough to receive the trickle of love that they bestow upon me. I’m eternally grateful for that.
Welcome back Princess Purple Starfish. May you fare well in your quest for the elusive and enchanted daun kesum!