She wants an anchor. Predictability. Routine. All of which are things I cannot provide in ready and steady supply. Not while I’m struggling with an old problem: The Male Libido. Let’s not get into that in detail. I am ashamed of myself for so many reasons already. In any movie, I’d be the bad guy. Especially if it’s a chickflick.
A friend and fellow blogger told me something in jest over YM the other day. “Stay married”, he said. We were talking about the perks of being in the public sector and I told him the possibility of my getting a new corporate job. He said I’ll miss out on good penchant and health schemes. My response to that was I’ll still be married to a government servant and thus entitled to at least some of the aforementioned privileges.
That’s the least of my worries. Staying married for security and the future. How can I even begin to think of the future when the present’s such a tangled mess of miscalculation, regret and half-bakedness. You know, you get most of the things you want out of life only to find out you want more.
So where do we end up? When will I stop thinking about only myself? I’m getting sick of trying and I’m sure she is too. She’s been a wonderful, wonderful woman to me. It is very unfortunate that the same cannot be said about my own part in this marriage thing.
Is this a cry for attention? Am I being a sleazy old bastard looking for online shoulders to cry on? Well people are free to judge and I’m the bad guy in this movie after all, remember?