A Long December

As Adam Duritz of Counting Crows crooned

And its been a long december and theres reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I cant remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass;

It has indeed been a long and entry-less December. Much of it has been consumed with vegetating and slobbing around playing The Sims 2 and NFSU Carbon. My net activity has been reduced to the 5-minute daily dose of checking my feeds at bloglines and the obligatory mail check.

Went to see the Counsellor at the State Education Department the other day. Stout guy with grey crew cut in a green shirt and tie. I wore green too that day. That must’ve been the reason why we got along like a charm. As this was not my first encounter with institutional counsellors; I’ve had my fair share of enforced counselling due to various causes; this dude in green was as good as they ever got.

So, by manner of ‘establishing rapport’ , we introduced ourselves to each other, claimed mutual acquaintance with colleagues, parents, spouses, etc. This took a full 10 minutes before the inevitable question popped-out like a cock out of an exhibitionist’s anorak: “So, En. _______, apa masalah kita sebenarnya?”

Thus began a rambling monologue of my inner professional demons, namely my distaste of a largely rote system of educating the nation’s children to regurgitate state-approved facts, the lack of intelligent conversation in the staffroom and at the canteen, my utter boredom with the ‘Malay’ agenda, the self-censorship that i enforce upon myself when discussing certain issues with my (more mature, pre-university) students and so on.

Then the session turned into a inquiry on my mental health. The counsellor went all pyscho-CSI on me and asked whether I’d been having visions or hearing voices in my head. I truthfully denied having them (aside from substance-induced accelerated imagination, I remain mentally sound, I think) but eventually agreed to be referred to a psychiatrist.

It was either Mr. Shrink or an impending dismissal for going AWOL from school following a disciplinary report at Ministry level. Fuck that, I’ll take Mr. Shrink anytime. I had been seriously considering to resign. The past few months have been a futile (and maybe half-hearted) job search, the good-paying ones in larger cities and I’m not prepared to leave my present one.

As of today, I’m still waiting for a phone call to confirm an appointment with the state shrink. Perhaps I need it after all. The little bit of apprehension that I have of the label psychiatric patient has been gradually subdued by my eventual realization that depression sucks. Oh, and the promise of free drugs.



Mr. and Mrs. Shahkaratul Tarantula and

As of Sunday, Mr. and Mrs. WanAs,





Filed under anecdotal

5 responses to “A Long December

  1. A

    mental or not…i still lap u…*mushy*

    i do want wats best for you…be it back to the grind or fortnightly visit to the shrink or doing something else or even professional bum…i do want what u want for you…this is about u, not me or Soph.

    So i really hope u find what you need as oppose to what ppl keep telling u what u might want….

    and i will wait

    -end mush-

  2. yariva.!!!!

    you stay cool ma bro..

  3. Sang Kelembai

    Woi! It looks bad. Call me wei…

  4. Sang Kelembai

    Sorry. You might have recovered by now. I’m no shrink but maybe I could help. Don’t worry, no drugs involved (hope that’s not bad news, ;)) call me ok, buddy.

  5. Hey Sang Kelembai.*Hugs*. I’m ok la. The worst is over and life is taking its normal shape again. Whatever normal is la. LOL. Thanks for coming though and will keep in touch!

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